


First Snow

by loeysxdaisies



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Fluff, Light Smut, M/M, Royal Advisor Baekhyun, Secret Relationship, happy ending I promise, prince chanyeol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 00:04:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17011692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loeysxdaisies/pseuds/loeysxdaisies
Summary: Baekhyun knows what he wants. And then he doesn't. And then it snows, and he does again.





	First Snow

**Author's Note:**

> ((warning this has been read through like once i just really wanted to finally post it so if it sucks or doesn't make sense sorry lmao feel free to yell at me in the comments))
> 
> also this is a prince au but not historical!! they have phones and tablets and modern-day suits and shit okay work with me here TT

“Your mother’s scheduled a late lunch so you and your sister can join her, and then you’ve your fitting for the Christmas ball—”

“Baekhyun.”

“And after that, you have an extra lesson with the French tutor because of the conference.”

“Baekhyun, please.”

“And then you’ll be accompanying your sister to the central orphanage to help serve the children dinner and spend time with them.”

_“Baekhyun.”_

The advisor froze, eyes flicking up to Chanyeol for a split second before looking back down at the tablet in his hand, scrolling further down. “Please don’t interrupt me, Your Highness.”

“Oh, so we’re back to ‘Your Highness’ now, are we?” Chanyeol stood up from his chair at the desk and adjusted the grey collar of his dress shirt that was peeking out the top of his light blue sweater. His long legs were accentuated beautifully by his custom black slacks and Baekhyun swallowed, averting his eyes and scrolling further and trying not to remember just how beautiful they looked _out_ of the slacks.

“It’s only proper.”

“’Proper.’” Chanyeol scoffed. “Since when have _you_ cared about being proper around me?”

“Your Highness, please, if you’ll just let me finish going through your schedule for today—”

“What happened, Baekhyun?” Chanyeol turned and started walking towards the advisor. “What happened that you started ignoring me, shutting me out and going back to being like strangers?”

“It’s…proper.” Baekhyun echoed softly. He looked up and met Chanyeol’s eyes, regretting it instantly. Chanyeol looked so—so _sad_. Sad and empty. Baekhyun bit his bottom lip.

“Baekhyun, please.” Chanyeol came to a stop a few steps away from Baekhyun, one arm lifting to rest on his arm but he thought better of it and stopped, hand mere inches from Baekhyun’s shoulder. _“Please_ talk to me.”

“Our…relations were getting out of hand.” Baekhyun thought quickly, trying to not let anything slip while making sure to get his point across. “It’s not right. You’re a prince and you need to act like one.”

“Does my being a prince mean I can’t be with the one person who makes me happy?” Chanyeol’s hand rose and hovered over Baekhyun’s cheek. “Did someone say something to you? Did someone _find out?”_

“It…doesn’t matter.” Baekhyun let out a breath. He turned his head and broke the contact, and Chanyeol sighed and shoved both his hands in his pockets. “I stand by my point. You’re a _prince_ , you should be looking for a wife—someone to rule beside you one day and bear you children and—”

“And not falling in love with my advisor?”

“Chanyeol.” Baekhyun looked up and met his eyes, holding the eye contact this time. “Please don’t—don’t make this hard. Harder. It hurts enough for both of us as it is.”

“Just…tell me what changed your mind. About us.” Chanyeol let out a sigh and looked down at his shoes, breaking the eye contact for a moment. He looked back up. “You changed practically overnight. One night you were falling asleep with me in my bed and then when I woke up you were gone, and you ignored all my calls and summons and I didn’t see you for three _weeks_ , and this is how you come back?”

“I’m sorry.” Baekhyun let out a shaky breath. “Chanyeol, I’m so sorry. But this isn’t—what we were doing isn’t right. I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“You  _knew_ the risks. I told you exactly what’s expected of me as if you didn’t already know, about how we’d have to stay quiet and keep hidden and how it goes against every law we fucking have and you still stayed.” Chanyeol only cursed when he was truly upset and comfortable enough to not censor his language.

“I never meant to lead you on.” Baekhyun defended quickly, in a lame attempt to explain himself and keep Chanyeol from getting more upset. “And I’m sorry for that. But we’ve both known that this wasn’t going to last, we’re not compatible.”

“Not compatible?” Chanyeol shook his head. “That’s bullshit and you know it. I’ve never felt a connection with anyone like I do with you,” he gestured between them, “and I _know_ you feel the same way. You told me so.”

“I lied.”

“You’re a horrible liar.” Chanyeol let out an exasperated breath. “Baekhyun, what is going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Did something happen?”

“No!” Baekhyun snapped. “It’s just…the queen has eyes everywhere, okay?”

“Oh, my god.” Chanyeol clenched his jaw and grabbed Baekhyun’s shoulder, eyes hardening. “Did she say something to you? Because if she did—”

“If she did then what are _you_ going to do about it?” Baekhyun shook his hand off. “This isn’t just about _us_ , it’s about the fact that you’re neglecting your duty to find yourself a wife and she…”  _Fuck. Too much._

“She  _what_ , Baekhyun?”

_Might as well come clean. Maybe then he’d understand._

“She threatened my family. I can’t—I can’t go against her, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun’s eyes got glassy and he blinked rapidly while looking up at the ceiling. “I can’t risk them.”

Chanyeol pulled Baekhyun into a hug, and his tablet fell to the floor—not that either of them cared. Baekhyun buried his face in Chanyeol’s chest and wrapped his arms tightly around his waist while the prince propped his chin on Baekhyun’s head, arms protective around his back.

“I’ll talk to her.” He murmured. “I can—”

“You can’t.” Baekhyun shook his head. “Please—she told me not to tell you. If she finds out I’m scared she’ll do something terrible.”

“Okay.” Chanyeol kissed the top of Baekhyun’s head. “Okay, darling. Just breathe.”

Baekhyun let Chanyeol hold him until he calmed down and then he stepped back, wiping under his eyes and fixing his hair. “I don’t know how she found out.” He whispered, throat scratchy from his effort to not cry. “I thought I was being careful slipping in and out of your room. I guess I was wrong.”

Chanyeol knelt down and picked Baekhyun’s tablet up, wiping the screen with his sleeve and checking for damage. Luckily the carpet was plush, acting as a buffer for the glass screen and he handed it back. Their fingers brushed as Baekhyun took the tablet back and rested it in the crook of his arm.

“I won’t let her do anything to your family,” Chanyeol said softly, fingertips tingling from the contact. “You know that, right?”

“We both know that if she wants to do something you won’t be able to stop her.” Baekhyun shook his head and sniffed once. “Do I look like I’ve been crying?”

“Your cheeks are a bit flushed.” Chanyeol reached out and cupped them, swiping his thumbs over Baekhyun’s cheeks. “Other than that you’re fine.”

Baekhyun nodded. “Okay. Come on, then.” He checked the time on his tablet. “You have lunch.”

“I’m not going to be able to look her in the eyes,” Chanyeol growled and adjusted the watch so it sat right on his wrist.

“Don’t say anything.” Baekhyun put a hand on Chanyeol’s chest. “Please, _please_ don’t say anything that might imply that I told you. If she finds out—”

“She won’t, darling, I promise.” Chanyeol took Baekhyun’s hand and pressed a kiss to the little exposed part of skin where his dress shirt revealed the pale skin of his wrist.

“Okay.” Baekhyun lingered for a moment with Chanyeol’s lips against his wrist and then pulled his hand away. “You need to get going or you’ll be late. Jongdae will pick you up from lunch and take you through the rest of your schedule. I’ll be helping with the ball decorations for the next week so he’ll continue tending to you.”

“Wait.” Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun’s wrist when he turned away to walk out of his room. “Wait. Can I see you tonight?”

Baekhyun sighed. “Chanyeol…”

“Please.” Chanyeol squeezed lightly. “Baekhyun, please.”

Baekhyun glanced behind him, paranoid, and dropped his voice. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Okay. Hey.”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun smiled fondly, re-facing the prince after another tug on his wrist. “I need to go. You do, too.”

“I know. Just—I love you. You know that, right? I still love you.”

Baekhyun’s smile turned sad, dropping but not quite disappearing. “I love you too.” He twisted his hand to take Chanyeol’s and he squeezed once before bowing his head and then walking out of the room. “Good day, Your Highness.”

Chanyeol sighed. “Good day.”

 

* * *

 

[10:32 PM]  _Come up._

[11:08 PM]  _I don’t think I can._

[11:10 PM] _Just for a minute._

[11:32 PM]  _Chanyeol, I don’t think that’s a good idea._

[11:35 PM]  _Baekhyun. Please._

“Baekhyun?”

“White peonies and red roses.” Baekhyun let out a short breath and pocketed his phone. “Light greenery and baby’s breath for each centerpiece.”

“And for the main stairs?”

“Green garland down the banister, big red peonies and the red fillers with small pinecones, gold…ornaments,” Baekhyun slipped his phone out of his pockets when he felt it vibrate again. “Gold and crystal beading throughout.”

[11:47 PM] _I just want to see you._

Baekhyun sighed, swiping the message off his home screen. “It’s late.” He looked up at the rest of the committee he’d been meeting with for the discussion of the final decorations. “You should all head home. Lisa, set up some samples tomorrow and I’ll come look at them sometime around early afternoon.”

The attendants all nodded and greeted each other goodnight, and Baekhyun took his time gathering all his sheets and charts and sketched samples to slip back in the binder, thinking. There wouldn’t be any harm, would there?

[11:49 PM] _I hope you’re not still planning. Don’t work too hard._

Baekhyun couldn’t help his smile when he read that. Chanyeol was too sweet for his own good. Telling Baekhyun to not work too hard when Chanyeol himself worked to the bone nearly every day.

Biting his lip, he picked his phone up and his thumbs hovered over the keypad before typing something out.

[11:52 PM] _Are you in for the night?_

[11:53 PM] _I’m about to slip in bed. Are you coming?_

Baekhyun was going to regret this.

[11:53 PM] _Give me ten minutes._

Ten minutes was simultaneously one second and one million years, but approximately ten minutes later Baekhyun knocked lightly on the prince’s bedroom door and then slipped inside—an action he was well used to.

All the lights in the prince’s room were out save for the two lamps on the tables on either side of his large bed, and Baekhyun immediately spotted Chanyeol perched on the side that was closest to the door, back to the headboard, notebook open and propped against his raised knees and a pen in his hand.

Chanyeol’s head snapped up when he heard the door click closed, a soft look on his face.

“You came.”

“I told you I would.”

“I wasn’t sure.” Chanyeol shut his notebook and put it and his pen on the side table. He pushed the covers that had been over his lower body aside and stood up out of the bed, lamp backlighting his broad frame as he shuffled tiredly over to Baekhyun.

Baekhyun stripped his tie over his head and tossed it and his jacket on one of the armchairs in the seating area, dropping his binder and tablet on the seat, and by the time he looked back up Chanyeol was right in front of him.

The prince took Baekhyun in his arms and squeezed around his shoulders. “How was the rest of your day?”

“Exhausting.” Baekhyun pressed his chin into Chanyeol’s sternum and looked up. “How was your lunch?”

“Awkward. For other reasons, though. She has no idea, I promise.” Chanyeol clarified quickly. He looked down at Baekhyun, eyes flicking between his lips and his eyes. “Can I kiss you?”

Baekhyun pursed his lips and averted his eyes, mentally weighing his options.

“You can say no,” Chanyeol assured him. “I just—I don’t really know what we are and I don’t want to overstep anything.”

“We were never anything to begin with,” Baekhyun whispered softly. Then he smiled. “But yes, you can.”

Chanyeol’s lips lifted into a small smile before he ducked down and caught Baekhyun’s lips, pecking them once—twice, thrice before Baekhyun put a hand on his chest and pushed him back gently.

“I just…I need a few days. To weigh my options, you know?” Baekhyun leaned his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder. “I love you, I do. But if anything happens to my parents—”

“I’m serious.” Chanyeol ran a comforting hand through Baekhyun’s hair. “I won’t let anything happen to them. I’ll keep them safe.”

“You can’t fight your mother on this.” Baekhyun took a shaky breath. “Can we go to bed?”

“Together?” Baekhyun nodded a couple times. “Okay.”

“I need a shower.” Baekhyun ran both hands over his face and rubbed his eyes. “Can I?”

“Of course. You know you can use anything you need in here.” Chanyeol’s hands dragged down Baekhyun’s arms to take his hands. “I’ll get you something to wear.”

“Carry me?” Baekhyun held tight to Chanyeol’s hands when he started pulling away. “Please?”

Chanyeol smiled and in a single smooth movement he swooped down and lifted Baekhyun who folded at his touch, one arm under his knees and the other behind his back. Baekhyun took Chanyeol’s cheeks in his hands and pulled him in for another kiss as Chanyeol made his way into the large bathroom.

Once inside Chanyeol set Baekhyun back on the ground, pausing to make sure he had his footing, he stepped towards the shower and turned it on.

“I’ll go grab you something to sleep in.” Chanyeol turned around and smiled softly at Baekhyun who had started unbuttoning his dress shirt. He nodded, meeting the prince’s eyes for a moment and then looking back down at his fingers.

He walked back over to Baekhyun and gently hooked his chin, pulling him up and placing one more kiss to his lips. He tapped his forehead to Baekhyun’s once and then pushed out of the bathroom while Baekhyun shucked the rest of his clothes and hopped in the hot shower, sighing as the hot water washed over his skin.

He heard the door open and close while he was under the water, washing his hair, and when he hopped out a fresh towel was folded neatly on the rack and a set of Chanyeol’s clothes were stacked on the counter.

Baekhyun dressed quickly and dried his hair as much as he could, and when he reentered the bedroom only a single light was on and Chanyeol was back in the position he was in when Baekhyun had first entered.

“Are you just gonna lay down for a while?” Chanyeol set his journal aside and shifted towards the center of the bed, flicking his light out. The room fell into a fair darkness except for the bright lights from outside seeping in the large windows. “Or are you actually going to sleep?”

“Someone’s looking out for me.” Baekhyun smiled even though Chanyeol couldn’t see it and slipped under the covers on the other side, meeting Chanyeol in the middle. A warm, steady arm wrapped itself around his waist and a pair of lips found his in the darkness. They pressed against his softly for a moment and Baekhyun reached up to cup Chanyeol’s cheek, thumb stroking as they kissed.

“I can’t help it,” Chanyeol admitted quietly. His eyes were bright and reflecting the light of the moon in the otherwise dark room and Baekhyun had no trouble finding them.

“I love it.” Baekhyun’s thumb never ceased its soft stroking. “I love _you.”_

“I love you too.” Chanyeol kissed him again, tongue lapping lazily into his mouth in the darkness and Baekhyun relaxed against the pillows, hand falling to wrap around the back of Chanyeol’s neck. “I really do.”

Chanyeol pecked Baekhyun’s forehead and then laid on his side, and then his warm, steady arm tightened around his waist and pulled him so that his back was right against the prince’s chest.

This was how it was. Soft kisses stolen in side corridors and sneaking around, spending their nights lit only by the moonlight and the lights of the palace’s garden seeping through the window while losing themselves in the pleasure of being together—being _one_ , even if just for a moment or two. Sometimes, when the queen was away, they’d get more daring, where Baekhyun would sneak out of Chanyeol’s room after the prince himself had already left for the morning and he’d woken up to an empty bed and a short note where the other male had been just hours before. Those times were few and far between, though, and now Baekhyun feared they’d stop altogether.

Baekhyun’s eyes found the moon as the night deepened and the moon spun into view of Chanyeol’s window, his lover’s arm around his waist and his breaths steady and warm against the bare skin of his neck. Asleep. Baekhyun should be asleep, too, as the clock at the prince’s bedside read nearly two in the morning.

 _“What do I do?”_ Baekhyun asked the moon helplessly, unconsciously tightening his grip on Chanyeol’s hand. _“Who do I choose?”_

The answer should’ve been obvious—his family was everything. This job had, in fact, been his father’s until he’d suffered from a stroke, and Baekhyun picked it up when he was just 19, and the prince himself was 20. He was 24 now, and every day of the past four years he’d spent falling more and more in love with the one person he wasn’t supposed to. And he’d spent one living in blissful ignorance of what was to come were they caught.

It wasn’t fair.

“Why can’t I have them both?” Baekhyun whispered desperately, hoping the moon, the night spirits, _anything_ would answer him.

The lack of answer was just as good as a negative one, though. The moon was as bright and heavy as the hundreds of years of tradition the royal family and their servants were supposed to follow. The traditions Baekhyun practically had burned on the backs of his eyelids since he was old enough to walk and understand their country’s political weight.

It had been so hard. For _years_ Baekhyun had watched Chanyeol take everything thrown his way, had watched Chanyeol grow from a child afraid of his own crown to one more than willing to sit in the queen’s place during official business, taking control and commanding attention the moment he entered a room. For years he’d believed wholeheartedly that Chanyeol would never, ever return an ounce of his feelings. For years, Baekhyun had stayed in the shadows as an advisor was supposed to.

He wasn’t sure what changed, but one day Baekhyun was discussing the prince’s schedule for the next day while the other was undressing and suddenly Chanyeol’s hands were around his waist and his lips were on his. The kiss was hard and desperate, and Baekhyun had immediately dropped his tablet and tangled his hands in Chanyeol’s hair, thrusting up on his toes and close, closer,  _closer._

_“I can’t wait anymore.” Chanyeol murmured against his lips. “I’m sorry, I can’t. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”_

_Baekhyun hadn’t been able to form words, head falling back as Chanyeol dragged his lips down his neck._

_“Let me have you.” The prince asked breathlessly. “Please—just this once. And I’ll never bring it up ever again if you don’t want me to, but please.”_

_“Y-your Highness—”_

_“Chanyeol.” Chanyeol interrupted. “Won’t you call me Chanyeol?”_

_“Chanyeol.” The name rolled off Baekhyun’s tongue so easily. It felt so right. Baekhyun didn’t care about tradition, or how many rules he was probably breaking. He just cared about Chanyeol’s lips on his and whatever he had to do to get them back there. “You can have me whenever you want.”_

“I don’t want anyone to get hurt.” Chanyeol shifted behind him, pressing closer and letting out a soft sigh. Baekhyun took in his warmth, his security, his secret promises of _forever_ —the ones no one knew about but the two of them. The promises that never left the walls of this room. “Why can’t I just have both?”

No one answered, but the words rang loud and clear in his head

_You can’t._

 

* * *

 

The day of the ball was busy. Baekhyun hadn’t gotten another moment alone with Chanyeol since the other night and pretended he didn’t see his longing, hopeful looks from across the room.

Baekhyun just needed time. Time and space.

“Are you ready?”

The prince looked absolutely regal. The entire royal family was coordinating, as they usually did, and Chanyeol made the dark, nearly black velvet coat with its gold detailing look like a million bucks. That’s probably what it was worth, anyway. Chanyeol was easily wearing on his back more than Baekhyun’s annual salary.

Baekhyun’s own plain black tux was _nothing_ in comparison—just like what Baekhyun himself should’ve been to Chanyeol.

Nothing.

“Your Highness?” Baekhyun cleared his throat and met Chanyeol’s eyes in the mirror. He could see the prince taking in his appearance, his hair and his makeup. The earpiece in his ear and the tablet that lived in the crook of his elbow. “Shall we?”

“Leave us, for a moment.” Chanyeol held an arm up and his attendants all bowed their heads, stepping back. His head stylist reached forward and straightened the lapel of his jacket and then glared up at him.

“Don’t mess anything up.”

Chanyeol nodded and ran a hand through his hair, brushing a couple strands up from his forehead into the thick gel in the rest of his dark locks. The stylist nodded and bowed his head and left the room, leaving the prince and his advisor in a tense silence.

“What’s the plan for tonight?”

Baekhyun dragged his eyes away from Chanyeol and down to his tablet, navigating to the proper folder. “You and your sister’s entrance is at 8:52, your mother is at 8:57, and you’ll all be on the receiving line from 9:05 to 9:50. After that you’re free to mingle, but I have a list of people your mother’s advisor sent over that you need to greet personally.”

Chanyeol sighed. “Brilliant.”

“Don’t worry,” Baekhyun looked up with a small smile. “I’ll be with you all night, and I have the guest list memorized. I’ll steer you in the right direction and tell you what you need to know.”

“You’re my lifesaver.” Chanyeol cracked a smile of his own at Baekhyun through the mirror and straightened his jacket, tugging it down and smoothing his hand over the buttons.

“What would you do without me?” Baekhyun had been going for light, but instead, the mood dropped. Chanyeol turned around.

“I hope I’ll never have to find out.” Chanyeol took a couple steps towards Baekhyun, who let out a breath and looked back down at his tablet. “Have you been sleeping enough?”

“Chanyeol, don’t.” Baekhyun looked up at the prince and shook his head. “Please don’t worry about me.”

“I can’t help it.” Chanyeol raised one hand and cupped Baekhyun’s cheek softly, and Baekhyun, hating himself for it, leaned into the warmth. “You work too hard.”

“I don’t have a choice.” Baekhyun swallowed and let his eyes shut, hand raising to rest over Chanyeol’s and hold it in place. He needed this. Just for now. “I’ve been avoiding you.” It sounded like he’d just admitted to assassinating the queen with how heavy his tone was.

“You haven’t.”

“I have.” Baekhyun bit his bottom lip. “I’m sorry. It’s all just so much—there’s so much to do, and so much to think about that sometimes I just want to _scream_ and—”

“You don’t have to explain it to me.” Chanyeol shushed him softly. “It’s okay, really. I understand.”

“Can we talk?” Baekhyun opened his eyes and found Chanyeol’s—heavy and sad and slightly watery. “Tonight, maybe? If you’re not too tired after?”

“Yes.” Chanyeol’s answer was instantaneous. “I’m never too tired for you.”

Baekhyun nodded and cleared his throat, shaking Chanyeol’s hand off his cheek and checking his tablet. “We need to start heading downstairs.”

“Wait.” Chanyeol stopped Baekhyun from turning around, hooking his free hand under his chin and pulling his head up. He kissed him softly once. “For luck.” Twice. “Because you look beautiful tonight and I wish I could have you on my arm as my date and not by my side as my advisor.” Thrice. “Because I love you.”

Baekhyun took a deep breath in of the thick scent—warm and heavy, expensive, and distinctly Chanyeol. “I love you too.”

They both took a step back, then, and Baekhyun gestured towards the door. “Shall we?”

The ball carried on for hours and hours, and Baekhyun remained dutifully at the prince’s side through it all. He pointed out the people Chanyeol needed to speak to and would be, admittedly selfish, when, to tell Chanyeol who they were, he’d rest one hand on the prince’s upper arm and raised up on his toes. Sometimes he’d linger just a moment too long. Sometimes Chanyeol’s hand would cover his own for half a second. Sometimes Chanyeol would meet his eyes, and his own eyes would flicker between his eyes and lips a couple times before swallowing and nodding.

Chanyeol kept it up, though. He smiled and bowed and shook people’s hands like he hadn’t been doing it for the past three hours and wouldn’t be doing it for the rest of his life. He was tall, and regal, and commanding and smart and wonderful and…

Completely out of Baekhyun’s league. He was stupid to even try.

But he didn’t care anymore.

It was well past two in the morning when Baekhyun escorted Chanyeol up to his room, ducking inside after the prince and letting out a tired sigh. Chanyeol ran both hands through his hair, mussing it up and Baekhyun smiled endearingly at the puppy look on his face.

So, so different from the man downstairs.

Baekhyun loved them both.

“Well done.”

“Yeah.” Chanyeol snorted. “I smiled and shook people’s hands. It’s hard to screw that up when you’re doing all the heavy lifting. I relied on you all night.”

“As you should.” Baekhyun teased, setting his tablet on the table near the door. He pulled his earpiece out and checked that it was switched off, setting it on top of the tablet with a sigh.

“You can rely on me too, you know.” Chanyeol shifted the conversation and took a step towards Baekhyun. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

 _“My_ family is the one on the line here.” Baekhyun shook his head. “This is my mess. I’m the one who got involved with you in the first place—”

“I kissed you first.” Chanyeol reminded him quickly. “This is on both of us.”

“I hate this. I want to choose you.” Baekhyun ran two frustrated hands through his hair. “I want to be with you and be happy because you make me happy. But my family makes me happy too and if anything ever happened to them I’d never forgive myself for being so selfish.”

“You’re not selfish.” Chanyeol cut in sharply. “You’re the opposite. You’ve taken on so much more than you can handle and you’re trying to convince yourself to live a _lifetime_ of unhappiness so your family is safe. That’s not being selfish, Baekhyun.”

“Who’s going to protect them, then? _You?”_ Baekhyun scoffed. “Forgive me for laughing, _Your Highness_ , but your mother has more than enough power to make anyone disappear and no one would ask a single question about it.”

“I don’t need to worry about her.” Chanyeol took Baekhyun’s hands. “I’ll appeal to the court. _We’ll_ appeal to the court. I’m going to be king one day, I carry a lot of weight and if I’m behind them like this then there’s got to be something we can do.”

“I…” Baekhyun looked down at their hands and took a breath. “This is my mess. I don’t want you getting involved and getting in trouble.”

“I’ll set my own private guard on your parents’ house,” Chanyeol promised earnestly, “until we can get the court to clear you.”

“Clear me? For what.”

Chanyeol took a deep breath. “I’m going to be king one day, and I can’t start my reign alone. I need someone by my side—someone bound to my side by marriage.”

Baekhyun felt like all his strength was leaving him with each word. “Chanyeol.”

“You know just as much about this kingdom as I do.” Chanyeol set about proving his idea. “You’re smart, you know the inner dealings of the palace and the economic system and the court and the _people._ You’d be a man of the people out there, a representative for their behalf. Baekhyun—”

“Don’t ask this of me.” Baekhyun shook his head, eyes filling with tears. “Don’t you _dare.”_

“We’ve talked about it before. Marriage. Children. A life together that’s completely _us.”_

“We’ve talked about a stupid, childish dream where you’re not a prince and I’m not your _servant_ and we have the freedom to make these kinds of choices. But we don’t— _you_ don’t. I don’t even count as an entire person here!”

“You do to me.” Baekhyun pulled his hands out of Chanyeol’s and buried the heels of his hands in his eyes.

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true.” Chanyeol grabbed his wrists and rubbed his thumbs over the backs of his hands, gently coaxing his hands away from his face. “Baekhyun, you’re the realest person I’ve met within these walls. Honestly speaking, personal feelings aside, you’re one of the only people I’d trust to rule alongside me.”

“I won’t bring the kingdom economic stability—”

“We have enough of that.”

“—or a new political ally.”

“We’re not rocky in any of our treaties.” Chanyeol squeezed Baekhyun’s wrists softly, lifting his hands to his lips and kissing each one.

“What are you saying, then?” Baekhyun’s eyes were guarded and panicked. “Chanyeol, you can’t possibly be—”

“Baekhyun, listen to me—Baekhyun!” Baekhyun pulled his hands from Chanyeol’s grip and began walking to the other side of the room.

“This is insane.” Baekhyun shook his head. “You’re insane! You want to appeal to the court to what—marry me? Are you fucking _kidding me?”_

“I have a solid case.” Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun’s arm and turned him around, holding him by his biceps and keeping him from leaving. “Listen to me. You’re smart. You know this kingdom inside and out. _And_ I love you. That sounds like a pretty good set up to me.”

“I can’t give you children, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun swallowed. “You need an heir—at least one. I can’t have kids, otherwise I’m sure I’d be _pregnant_ already if you think about it.” He sighed. “Just drop that idea. It’s stupid and it’ll never work.”

“Why?” Chanyeol let Baekhyun walk away this time when he turned out of his hold. “Why are you so afraid to fight back?”

“I’ll lose everything!” Baekhyun whirled around. “You want to know a secret about me, Your Highness? Prince Chanyeol, hm?”

Chanyeol clenched his jaw. He  _hated_ when Baekhyun pulled his rank like that.

“I’m selfish. I’m an asshole. And I don’t want to fight back because I don’t want to  _lose_ every single person who means anything to me!” It was then that Baekhyun finally broke, covering his eyes as he let out a sob. “If we just stop then my family will be safe, and I won’t be fired. We wouldn’t be together, but I’d still get to be _near_ you. Keep an eye on you. Advise you. Be with you and support you and love you from afar like I did for _years_ already. I’d rather that than risk everyone else.”

“Baekhyun—Baekhyun come here.” Chanyeol pulled Baekhyun into his chest and cradled his head close. “We can do this. And I can sign an official decree bypassing the queen that no one of your family is to be harmed during this process.”

“And when it’s over?” Baekhyun pushed back from his chest, wiping a hand under his eyes. “What if we lose? I’d be fired—I’d probably be _exiled_ , and my whole family would be in so much trouble. It’s just not worth it, Chanyeol. Please.”

“Don’t do this.” Chanyeol sounded so different from the confident prince he was just minutes ago, on the verge of breaking. “Please. I can’t _lose_ you.”

“You won’t.” Baekhyun was crying himself, but he cupped Chanyeol’s cheeks and wiped his tears. “I’ll always be right here, you know? Right here for you, my love.”

Chanyeol ducked down and caught Baekhyun’s lips in a rushed kiss, desperate and wet as Baekhyun clutched at his shoulders.

“Let me have you tonight, then. Once more.”

Baekhyun could only nod before Chanyeol was on him once more, the force of his kiss tilting Baekhyun’s head back. There was a flurry of movement as they both reached for each other’s jacket, shirts and ties and Baekhyun barely registered that a jacket more than his salary for all of last year was being tossed to the floor like it was nothing before suddenly his legs were cold and bare, and Chanyeol was lifting him up and kissing him again as he walked towards the bed.

“I love you,” Baekhyun whispered as he rolled them over, kissing Chanyeol’s lips and then trailing kisses down his body to take his cock in his mouth.

“I love you.” Chanyeol murmured, voice thick as he mouthed at Baekhyun’s inner thigh, three fingers lubed up and buried deep inside him.

“I love you.” They echoed each other repeatedly with Baekhyun’s legs around Chanyeol’s waist, his fingers digging into his shoulders. Chanyeol thrust and thrust with everything he had, watching as Baekhyun’s tears turned into ones of pleasure, bottom lip caught between his teeth. He thumbed at it and then leaned down to kiss him as one of Baekhyun’s hands circled his own cock, and he came between them with a deep moan. The intensity of the whole night spurred Chanyeol into his own orgasm and Baekhyun tightened his legs around his waist when he felt him start to pull out.

“Fill me.” He begged softly, and Chanyeol buried his face in Baekhyun’s neck and sucked a hickey into the pale skin as he came, hips stuttering with a deep groan and a string of “fuck, fuck, _fuck_ I love you.”

“I love you,” Baekhyun whispered softly again later. It must have been nearing four in the morning, maybe even five. But he didn’t care—he was with Chanyeol. Nothing else mattered so long as he was with Chanyeol.

He was lying on his back in the bed, Chanyeol propped on one elbow with an arm settled lightly on his waist. Baekhyun had one hand in the air, gently ghosting over Chanyeol’s face—over his beautiful, beautiful face that he’d soon miss so much.

Chanyeol caught Baekhyun’s hand and pressed his palm to his lips, and then repeated the process with each one of his fingers. Baekhyun swallowed thickly.

“I love you too.” Chanyeol leaned down and kissed him. “So much.” Again. “Not a day will go by that I don’t remember you like this.”

“Like what?”

“In my room, with me. Just me. Where we’re just us.”

Baekhyun nodded with a thin smile and then Chanyeol laid down behind him, pulling him as close to his chest as he could and wrapping one arm tightly around his waist to keep him in place. He kissed the back of his neck.

“I love you.” And with that, the prince fell asleep.

Baekhyun stayed awake longer, keeping his tears at bay and memorizing what it felt like to be held like this. To be loved like this. To be here, with Chanyeol, in his rawest, most vulnerable form.

The moon appeared slowly in the window much like the other night, and Baekhyun looked at it with tears in his eyes.

 _Why_ , he thought bitterly, _what did I do wrong to have to be so unlucky?_

He could practically hear the moon’s answer. _You fell in love with the wrong person. You did this to yourself. You did this to everyone around you because you were selfish._

“I want to be selfish.” He whispered into the darkness. Chanyeol shifted closer.

It began snowing, bright white in the moonlight. The first snow of the season—it was late this year.

Baekhyun wanted Chanyeol. He wanted to marry into his family, be his husband and adopt little children or puppies and spoil them rotten. Perhaps he’d even see a doctor to see if he was a carrier—while it wasn’t common, it wasn’t necessarily unheard of. Because he _wanted_ this life with the man he loved.

But he wanted to keep his family safe, too.

 

* * *

 

Baekhyun didn’t sleep one bit that night, thinking and weighing his options and watching the moon and all the stars move across the sky and the snow flutter to the ground until it stopped, until the sun rose, brightening the room and Chanyeol stirred behind him.

“Did you sleep at all?” His voice was deep, heavy with sleep. Baekhyun wanted to hear it every morning.

“I want you.” He whispered instead, eyes still out the window. It started to snow again, covering everything outside in a fresh white blanket. Bright.

Hopeful.

“What?” Chanyeol shifted behind him.

“I want to be selfish.” Baekhyun tightened his hold on Chanyeol’s arm. “I don’t want to lose you. I want to marry you and I want to have a family and I want to help you rule and I want to keep my parents safe and—”

“Baekhyun, darling—slow down. Hey.” Baekhyun rolled over when Chanyeol prodded him gently and faced the prince in all his morning askew-hair and puffy-faced glory. “What are you saying?”

“Appeal to the court.” He chose his words carefully. “If you get the approval and can bypass your mother then I—I want to be with you, Chanyeol. Not just here. Not hidden away in your room like we’re breaking rules but really _be_ with you. Out there.”

“Really?” Chanyeol’s eyes brightened. “So if—when, _when_ I go to the court you’ll be okay with it?”

“Yes.”

“And when—yes, _when_ I get the approval you’ll marry me?” His eyes were bright. Hopeful. Just like the snow.

Maybe that was Baekhyun’s sign all along. He just had to wait for the first snow to remember what he really wanted. To remember how to hope, how to believe in something nearly unattainable enough that it’ll _become_ attainable.

“Yes.”

Chanyeol was on him in an instant, kissing him with so much force that he rolled on his back on the bed, and Chanyeol straddled his thighs.

“I love you so much.” Chanyeol kissed him again, hands on his cheeks. “You’ll never have any idea how much.”

Baekhyun let Chanyeol kiss him, let him roll them back over so Baekhyun was comfortably in his lap as they kissed, hot and open-mouthed with their tongues all over each other. Chanyeol’s thick comforter kept them safe from the new chill the additional snowfall brought. They kissed until they were out of breath, until their lips were swollen and their tongues hurt. And then they simply laid together, curled safely under Chanyeol’s covers.

“Oh, I nearly forgot.” Baekhyun kissed Chanyeol’s collarbone. “Merry Christmas.”

“A very Merry Christmas indeed,” Chanyeol responded with a smile. He craned his neck to kiss Baekhyun’s forehead. “I always knew it was my favorite holiday for something.”

**Author's Note:**

> ((the inspiration for chanyeol's suit in the christmas eve ball is [here](https://twitter.com/daisy_dreamuses/status/1069459247434485761) (with like a full suit though, not skinny jeans okay okay) god he looked so HOT please laksjdfh))
> 
> i'm going to do my best while i'm finally home on break from uni (yay!!) to go through my drafts and finish all the half-done fics i've started. this is one i started about a month ago or so?? i really just want to clear out my folder a bit so...yeah. we'll see how far i get with that with my mom's classic "put that away!! you're never home!! let's do something as a family!!!" as my parents sit around on theIR PHONES AND--
> 
> anyway
> 
> ((yes this includes benefits lakjhf i'm working on it i PROMISE promise i just have trouble focusing on one thing for too long, hence why my grades are so bad, and so i use these little drabble things to take a break from them))
> 
> merry christmas!! hopefully i have a couple more christmas drabbles coming up (also half-started in my drafts list...) that will be posted within the holiday season!!
> 
> like chanyeol, christmas is my favorite holiday uwu
> 
> come say hi to me on twitter!! [loeysxdaisies](https://twitter.com/loeysxdaises)
> 
> curious cat for those of you shy little beans (i'd still love hear from you!) [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/loeysxdaisies)


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